Let me share two email pitches I received recently and offer why I think one works…and one doesn’t.
Subject: I dare you to watch this video
Thanks for checking out this email. I have been trying to get in touch with someone at Sprinklr for awhile now and today I came across your title and contact information.
I'm going to do my best to not try to be that annoying sales guy. However I do have a job to do and that is to generate interest in xxxxxx. Instead of trying to explain everything we do in a brief email the best way to find out what we do is check out this video demo below. It only takes about 5 minutes.
Demo for Jeremy at Sprinklr
I'm sure you get many sales emails, I hope this is one that gets your attention and you view our demo.
Subject: Pitch Book and Hustle
“That pitch was an un-fucking-mitigated disaster.”
We had just finished an amazing love-fest with one of the world’s most successful non-fiction publishers in the world. Our literary agent’s irritation caught us off-guard as xxx, xxx and I were high-fiving each other when the elevator door opened on the ground floor.
Now confused, we began speed-walking through the lobby to catch a ride to our next pitch in lower Manhattan.
“We cannot do that again.” continued our agent xxxx as he flagged down a cab. The five of us surrounded the cab in the middle of 6th Avenue morning traffic and hopped in.
We all heard the unmistakable sound of metal crunching metal. Looked at one another wide-eyed, had we been hit by a car? Anyone hurt?
xxxx had, however, impaled the cab in the next lane with the corner of his door. The two cabbies began loudly swearing at each other, completely ignoring us.
We abandoned the cab as the cabbies faced off, and we sprinted across the street to ambush another cab headed south.
“Hey. Were you guys involved in that accident?” asked our cabbie over his shoulder.
“No idea what you’re talking about, buddy.”
* * * LINK****
At the next pitch, I -- may or may not -- have gotten into a shouting match with one of the publishers.
And, well, that’s how Day 2 started in NYC as xxxx, xxxx and I pitched 16 publishers over three days with our agent, xxxxx of Company.
We had a lot of fun, learned a ton about the publishing and closed a fabulous book deal with Company 2.
And that's what I wanted to share with you today: what the three of us, xxxx, xxxx, and xxxx, see going on around us is a small group of people doing well, and this is troubling.
Some of these people are doing exceptionally well—some are even our close friends and clients, people we respect. And an ocean of others, some of them insanely talented people, are struggling to move beyond paycheck to paycheck and keep the promises they made to themselves and their families. We see too many people repressed by irrational and incessant fears, stifled by an unwillingness to take more risk, trapped by tough choices about their futures.
What’s happened to their dreams? Why are so many good, hard-working people going nowhere so fast while so few prosper? What’s the difference between the successful and the unfulfilled? Something is broken here. We want to fix it and in the process help thousands of people the world over become better dreamers and more confident doers.
So how do we possibly find a way to break free and achieve lasting success and fulfillment on our terms?
The only thing standing between us and fulfillment of our dreams is self-imposed friction, a poison that saps our willingness to step out of what feels comfortable.
Our book NAME is the antidote.
You are receiving this email because you signed up for emails at URL1 or URL 2 or have participated in workshops held by xxxx.
Our mailing address is:
Unsubscribe from this list:Unsubscribe link
Forward this email to a friend:Link
Update your profile: Link
Why #2 is Better Than #1
#1 is, well, boring. It’s an effort to be personal, but it’s a . It’s common and cliché. It’s almost more about him, “I have a job to do.”
#2 on the other hand is a STORY.
It’s long…it violates almost every rule of email today…yet it’s engaging. It’s emotional. It draws me in. I can relate. I bet you can as well. It taps into an eternal yearning, going below the surface of “I want to sell you something.”
If you’re interesting and personal (in the way you’d talk to your friend, not a job interview), you can move people to do what you want while simultaneously helping them achieve what they want.